More times than once in my life, as soon as I’ve said to myself, “I’m going to do this now,” or, “I’m not ever going to do that again,” in less than 24 hours, a test of that conviction has appeared.
This happens every single time, and I imagine if you’re reading these words, it has happened to you too.
- When you say you aren’t going to discount your services ever again, someone emails you asking for a discount.
- When you say you aren’t going to take XYZ type of client anymore, that exact person reaches out.
- When you say you are putting a specific boundary or barrier in place, someone tries to cross it.
- Or when you say you’re committing to a new project and you share it, someone appears to spit all over it.
The more this happens, and the more you realize it’s happening, the more you’re able to laugh at it and say, “Haha, I see what you did there. I’m not falling for it.” But, in the beginning, as you start to step out of your comfort zone and you set firm boundaries and commitments in your life, and this happens, it totally sucks.
It can be hard to manage, and the more you’re in the public eye or under some kind of microscope, the more this seems to happen.
Allow me to start with my own story.
Recently, I’ve taken up this practice called The Morning Pages, where each day, preferably in the morning, you write three pages of stream of consciousness thought – whatever comes to your mind and flows out onto paper is what you write.
Some days, it’s really negative, ego and fear based thoughts, and other days, it happens to be a mini pep talk where you write to yourself the commitments that you’re making to yourself.
And if you guys have been following me on social media, or on the blog, you know that I’ve recently gotten into Young Living Essential Oils. I originally got into it for the discount, but the more our family uses the oils and supplements, and the more I saw it changing our lives, the more I was guided to the business aspect of it.
Truth being told, being a spiritual business owner, until this point, hasn’t been easy.
Especially as a shamanic practitioner, where the predominant belief in the community is that these things should be free. It’s a lesser known spiritual practice (shamanism) that people have been trained NOT to pay for (many practice for free/donation), so when earning money, you have to get really creative in how you earn money and attract money to come to you.
That’s why there are ads on this blog, why I created a whole shop of eGoods, and why, in one aspect, I started the Young Living Essential Oils arm of the business (the other aspect being I’m a converted skeptic!) (You can learn more about how I monetized in this video class). I got into essential oils for the health, but once I saw the income potential, I was a convert and was willing to share about them and have people sign up under my leadership.
I see my job as a shamanic educator NOT to just teach people how to journey, meet their guides, and do a soul retrieval, but also how to translate the healing that they’ve experienced to real world applications so they can have more prosperous, successful, and happier lives.
Basically, I want people to use shamanic tools (energy healing, spiritual healing, and the natural healing) to give them more personal power, a stronger sense of self-worth, physical and emotional health, and a greater sense of purpose, and to translate those tools into more abundance of everything in their lives.
But, back to the story, in a recent set of The Morning Pages, I made a commitment to myself that I would stop hiding parts of myself that I felt didn’t align with the perception that a shaman just needs to stay in their shaman lane and only talk about attachments, soul retrievals, and past lives.
I made the commitment that I would share about ALL the things I’m doing to improve my life and my family’s life. Including using Young Living Essential Oils to support the physical, spiritual, and energetic body. I get that people have really strong feelings about network marketing – I used to have them too. Then, as most people do, I had a change of heart.
Not an hour after I made this commitment, a comment came through on one of my Young Living-related social media posts to the effect of, “Oh, god, not you too, go back to doing shaman things.”
YES! It really happened!
I committed and was tested within 60 minutes.
I had an invitation right then and there to go back into the closet.
And it’s not only that it’s happened with.
When I said I wasn’t going to do sessions for people outside of The Shaman Life anymore (I don’t do one-on-ones at all now), I got an email from someone in dire straights and ONLY I COULD HELP THEM.
When I closed enrollment on one thing or another, I’d get an email begging for an exception.
AND if I made the exception and listened to someone else, it never worked out in my favor.
When the test happens, you’re being asked to appease someone else’s needs and to put someone else’s needs over your own.
Your shadow side and your older patterns are asking you to go back to your old ways.
That’s what the test is when it happens.
When you step out of the closet, your shadow, your fear brain, your ego, and all the parts of you that didn’t want you to step out, call to you from the closet and give you a chance to go back, if you want.
Imagine a scared version of yourself extending a hand to you back into a dark closet – that’s the test. Asking you to go back to living in a place of less-than.
And sometimes, you choose to go back and say, “Okay, fear, you’re right. I’m not ready for this. I’ll come back to the warm, dark, safe comfort of the closet.”
You can call it a test of the Universe or a test of your soul path, whatever makes sense to you.
If you’re not ready to overcome the hurdle just yet, it’s an exit plan and a way to go back
The kicker is that if you go back to the fear closet and give in to the thing that you just committed against, you stay where you are.
Healing wise, prosperity wise, health wise, happiness wise.
If you listen to the voice telling you to back to the place of less-than, you stay in the closet.
So, the next time you make a commitment, watch out for the test!
It’ll happen – and when it does, acknowledge it, see it for what it is, then laugh, because you know what it’s doing, and you’re not going back in the closet.