For the past 5 years, I've been offering healing and reading services to others in a variety of forms.
Single sessions, group sessions, multi-session programs, shamanic mentoring and coaching, shamanic training, readings, channeled messages, the old blog, and in a million other ways.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped paying attention to myself and the needs of my own body. Or rather, I never really did and it caught up with me.
Starting after the birth of my second child in the fall of 2015, some of you who have been around since then may remember the long journey of gallbladder attacks, liver cleansing, going vegan and then eventually having my gallbladder removed in emergency surgery in the summer of 2017.
Then the switch to a paleo diet, healing from the surgery, and the following year of working to heal my gut.
This past summer, in May 2018, I started having extreme pain in my abdomen and wasn't able to eat much more than a sweet potato and a liquid diet without major, painful bloating, and abdominal stabbing pain in my back and side. I thought I had a gallstone stuck in a duct, and this led to many visits to the ER and doctors while we worked to figure out what was happening.
All the while, I was working with others and helping them shamanically, but my own lack of focus on myself during this time led me down a path of my physical body screaming out to me for help.
I'd done all the inner healing work, but somehow, here were all these physical problems. My spiritual training thus far had led me to believe there was something I was missing, something that I had failed to heal. But how was it possible, since I'd spent the last 5 years healing myself?
This led me on an inward journey of realizing that yes, truly that are some problems that are physical. A result of being embodied, our diets, and being born with a certain physiology. Yes, there are spiritual aspects, most likely, but at what point do we accept that not everything is some spiritual failing (psychic shaming of ourselves), and that some things really are mostly physical.
As I was going through this, many healers, both western and alternative, were offering suggestions and things to try. And many spiritual friends offered up ways I hadn't healed as reasons that this was happening.
While painful, it prompted me to really examine this question internally and open an inner dialogue with myself over the eternal shamanic questions, "is this really rooted in a spiritual problem . . . or do we have to look at other causes and accept that physical impacts do come into play?" Such as our genetics, our own predispositions, the insane amount of toxicants used in personal care products, household cleaning products, makeup, in the air, on and in our foods. . .
this has to play a role, right?
We aren't just living in a spiritual vacuum and with an 100% clean environment.
Back in grad school, epigenetics taught me that environmental changes DO trigger genetic changes not just in our own lifetime, but sometimes starting several generations back.
And we are living in times now there environmental triggers are all around us - behavioral and physical.
I sat with this question and these questions as medical bills started to pile up.
The preliminary diagnosis was IBD, inflammatory bowel disease, and autoimmune disease. Also, suspected celiac, and a histamine intolerance.
I embarked on a radical elimination diet called AIP, the autoimmune paleo protocol, a subset of paleo that further eliminates nightshades, among other things.
I went deep into healing my body with the help of my functional medicine doctor.
And 3 months later, I was feeling drastically better.
But here were are, December, and we are still getting to the bottom of things and I'm currently on another healing protocol to deal with the EIGHT gut infections that we recently unveiled through GI Map testing.
So, do I blame myself, and some spiritual failing that caused this?
Do I blame myself for ignoring the needs of my body while on a pursuit of helping others?
No, I don't. It's all a learning process and this is part of my path and in sharing this today, it helps me and it may help someone else.
But, I can't ignore it anymore. I can't continue to help others through traditional shamanic work while continuing to ask my body to wait.
I only get one of these in this lifetime and to do any work at all and to be present for myself, my kids, and my husband, I need this one.
What this means is that in 2019 I'll be taking an entire year off from shamanic healing work. I'll be taking no new clients and finishing up work with current clients in the early part of the year.
I need to focus on getting myself well to continue to serve, and I need to give myself more than 1-3 months here and there.
I will be continuing to work on helping others reach their goals, through my work with Young Living and helping people get oils into their homes and environmental toxins out of their lives - the stuff that lives in makeup, cleaning products, personal care products and more. Young Living has non-toxic options of all of those things that work and are effective, it's what we use in our home.
This is a passion of mine, as I firmly believe that the toxic load on our bodies is high and the body can only handle so much, until we reach a point where it just can't. And for me, I believe this had a hand in leading to an overactive immune response.
And clearing our energy also means the things that we bring into our energy, too.
And as an added bonus, I can help others reach their financial goals through this work too, and if you've been following me for any length of time, you know that financial freedom and bringing more abundance into more homes is a passion of mine.
While this work may not seem traditionally shamanic, it is in its own way. Helping people shift their energy and their lives to see healing changes is real and can happen through lifestyle changes and through the plant oils.
It has been my honor serving you in all the ways that I have from 2013 through 2018 and beyond. Thank you for your continued support, or if you're new here, your support going forward.
It's so interesting to see how the path evolves, and while the medical illness part of this journey has not been pleasant to walk through, it has changed my life and the way I view the world and shamanic healing in so many ways.
If you've read this far, thank you.
And if you take nothing away from this article, please remember this. We have physical bodies that come we physiology and genetics and live in a physical world with infinite environmental triggers, from our diet, to water, to air, to the products we use.
THESE THINGS MATTER.
You do not live in a spiritual vacuum. We do not live in a spiritual vacuum. We are embodied and we have to pay attention to our bodies, too.
Remember to take time for that.